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Turns out my tactical roll wasn't the only thing that deployed
Fear the ones whose primary weapons are a wooden spoon and a slipper.
Some people have emergency snacks. I have emergency tactical pest control.
Finally, a machine that understands my needs.
Always carry a backup plan
Pretty sure I'm going to need a bigger jar
Middle-earth just entered the modern era.
Glock 100: For when you need to be really sure.
When someone says 'just a little bit' and you know better.
When someone asks about my security system
Some call it excessive. I call it prepared.
"When the terms and conditions finally save your life."
When you can't decide between lumberjack and action hero.
Where do I sign up for these 'accidents'?
My security detail is cuter than yours
Surprisingly effective for deep, patriotic slumber.
When you try to accessorize your life, but you're on a budget.
For when you really don't want to be bothered.
Me trying to make my current skills match my future ambitions.
My interpretation of 'thoroughly clean'.
Marriage goals: achieved.
The only fairy tale I believe in
My camouflage game is strong. My aim? Still a work in progress.